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Now Hiring: MOMS


It is almost crazy when you stop and think about it. To be somebody’s mom. Think of writing that job description and who in their right mind would apply.

Now Hiring: Mom

Scope of Job:

Comprehensive, begins immediately and your first shift lasts for the rest of your child’s life. 24-hour on duty or on call, every day, with no weekends, holiday, sick leave, vacation, or “day off” for any reason.

Compensation:

No material compensation now, nor opportunity for increases ever in the future. Thousands of hugs, kisses, smiles, laughs, and “hi mom” waves are primary source of compensation. Handful of dinners made or breakfasts in bed, birthday cards about half the time, flowers 10x per career, and a flurry of art projects in years 0-9.

Training:

It has been around you forever in the example of your own parents and others parents. If you have not been paying attention, you will not be given any extra time, you take the test blind, and then retake it every day, often 5-10+ times a day, and every moment is pass fail. Every adult and your own children will stream their opinion to you of every move and mistake you make.

Employee Satisfaction:

Most of your team members that are in your care spend considerable time during your tenure working actively against the guidance you give them. Spending time on things they should not, hanging around with people that are not good for them, and taking risks that are against orders. They will regularly provide feedback via eye roll, foot stomping, the dejected shouting of “seriously???”, and an erratic mix of “this is not fair”, “you are mean, and “leave me alone”, both privately and in Target, during school events, or when family is over on the holidays.

Requirements:

Always on, selfless, tireless, worker is who is more committed to those she is serving than anyone else including the one she is serving, and is willing to work for mild applause occasionally, various grunted forms of thx, see ya later, or will call you.

Willing to try and soften every fall, support every stand, and walk beside every first time at everything. Always available for a hug and a kiss, though willing to be scorned for suggesting any of the same at the wrong time.

This position requires a lifetime commitment, is non-negotiable, and has no absolute promises that any kind of a warranty would cover.

Footnote:

Potential deferred bonus is available once your children pass their teen years when many of them realize you were in fact working for them the whole time, not against them, and they will thank you for those efforts. The value of that bonus is priceless and is clearly worth the long term investment, but like the stock market there is no guaranteed return. All of your contributions need to be made continually forever to earn said reward, and you will get no monthly or annual statements. Your gut hunch will be your one and only guide.

Positive side effects of taking this job:

Reported to randomly include happiness, love, respect, pride, affection, appreciation, laughter, delight, and wonder. Honor has been reported in most every case.

We are all here because someone applied for that job, and we gave it to them. Incredible thanks, admiration, and respect for every one that took the position and ran with it. This is what you worked so hard for. We get it.

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